Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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