He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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