don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
