that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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