so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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