thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
