my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
