FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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