yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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