My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
