The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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