he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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