Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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