In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
