I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
