smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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