I skipped work to stalk him.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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