That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
