first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
