well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
