Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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