what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
