Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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