i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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