You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
