big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
