i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
