I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
