Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
