oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize