So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
