Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
