The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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