That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
