i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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