Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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