Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
