so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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