you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
