i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my vag is so smooth its legendary
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Congratulations! We have a period
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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