onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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