she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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