My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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