You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
