So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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