On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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