so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
