Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
