Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize