i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
