Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
