The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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