I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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