Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
