and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
