I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
