would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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