watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Im part way to drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
