the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
