from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
