I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
