I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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