Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
