2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
