So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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