I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
