I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
40s are totally the cure
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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