Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize