Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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