so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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