and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
